24.2.14

the clurichaun


one time i had a dream that i got very depressed while reading a book on the history of diplomas. everything seemed to be going wrong, but a good little fellow came to cheer me up.

he was even dressed like an elf.

my pet-fish, bubbles, said that he was hiding in the oven. i thought that was sort of dangerous, but the elf fellow said that it isn't. he said that he's immune to burning and that it is very cosy for him.

that's cool for him, i guess.  

22.2.14

happy birthday bubbles



one time i had a dream that it was bubbles' birthday.

i bought him a cake. i would have made him one, but my cakes aren't exactly what you'd call delicious.


we sang "for he's a jolly good fellow" before he cut the cake.

20.2.14

two: the case


one time i had a dream that aethelbald and mr mammut tracked the wisdom stone to a location near the reservoir. 

unfortunately, it was snowing too hard, and they had to abandon the search for that afternoon. however, they vowed to return.

bubbles, my pet fish, said that this is one of the reasons why he hates winter.

19.2.14

the sea horse codex


one time i had a dream that the sea-horse codex arose from the primordial whirlpools.



16.2.14

one: the case


one  time i had a dream that mr mammut was on the case.

so i could sleep easy.

15.2.14

commotio cerebri


one time i had a dream that caulkin manor, our family house back in england, burned down, the family lost its porcelain, all the money was gone, and uncle cuthred had to join the regiment and go out to india -all because i had a concussion.

other things went wrong too.

a bump on the head does terrible things. it makes brain waves go screwy. it effects the affects. it makes repetition desirable. it makes scattered signals and mechanical leaps. it causes harsh tones and automatic beeps. it makes you dream of descending color and puts spirals around your temples in the morning. a bump on the head will knock you into the future - if you had it in the last century.

i travelled through the tunnel of injury. i went down through the tube of doom. i stood at the gate of folding when the world was unfolding. it was witnessed how the terrible scheme with the agendas of the ancients - now all dead, alas! hélas!- in their angry metal tanks and leather straps and wooden trousers, sought to conceal and steal. how they contorted the time into grammar, while i lingered in the place outside of custom and localized verbalizations. how they each other forced, with inkblots and hard paper, to become the twisted victims of calcified anger and mangled flesh.

it popped, popped, popped with insect intensity and diligent swirling. it carved out immovable verse when bending phrases were necessary. all was definite. all was active voice. all was crushed out of consonance with a desire for clarity. whatever ms. gorgonova did declare they obeyed, and preyed, and crept away. conduits and head games. thrashing switches and chemicals. the offertory coffin box. the pine cones oozing with imperceptible sap.

and you must make sounds. and these sounds must agree with what we have deemed and deigned to permit. or we will slaughter out your guts and your intestines will become our victims. we will reduce your mind to cheese through the sacred loops of witchdoctery.


and crack, crack, crack, it cost uncle cuthred a fortune because of the snap, and the family ended up in America where he met up with them in albany after being in india.

12.2.14

mock trial


one time i had a dream that i had to participate in a witch trial.

i voted not guilty but it was a sunken jury, so they had to release the auk.

8.2.14

complete your own caulkin!






one time i had a dream that ...

i was too busy watching the olympics to finish coloring.

so, complete your own caulkin!

this week, i don't have a sunday night piece. each week i try to get one done. this week i didn't. so now, instead your job is to create your own.

finish the picture by printing it out. color in the figures below the stairs (unless you're color blind). after that, in the blank space provided draw or paint one of your own dreams.

don't worry about the quality. obviously, i never do.
then, upload it to the facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram, thumb messages, telephone movies, interdiemsional television, etc, and write the captions telling the story of what's going on. tag me in the photo to share it or whatever.

or don't.

7.2.14

the divine harper


one time i had a dream that the god of poetry was drawing me ever more close to him.